You sit down to give a teacher a bit of feedback. You’ve thought about it, led with something warm, kept it kind. About thirty seconds in the arms are folded and the shutters are down. You’re not talking about teaching any more. You’re managing a reaction.

I’ve sat on both sides of that desk, and for years I have really worked on my words - structures, frameworks, listening modes etc. But often the words were usually fine. What kept going wrong was where we were sitting. Face to face, eye to eye, every sentence flying straight from me to them, about them. Nowhere else for it to land, so it lands like a verdict.

This week’s episode is about a small move that changes that, and it costs you nothing. It's called the third point.

You put a thing on the table that you both look at. A page from a teaching resource, a couple of the childrens’ books, the lesson plan, a printout of the data, or just a blank sheet you scribble the problem onto as you talk. Then you aim the conversation at that, not at each other. The page takes the feedback. Not their face.

You stop staring at each other and start staring at the same problem, on the same side of it. The teacher stops feeling like they’re in the dock, and it quietly becomes the two of you against this annoying thing in front of you. The edge comes off almost straight away.

One thing to watch though. The third point takes the personal sting out of a real conversation. It doesn’t let you off having it. If something needs saying plainly, say it plainly.

Have a listen here, where I go through how how use this process. Then, if useful, try it before your next tricky chat.

And I’m curious. What would you put on the table? Reply and tell me what you’d reach for. I read every one.

Shane

PS If wobbly feedback conversations are a pattern across your team rather than a one-off, it’s the sort of thing we work through in the Education Leaders Intensive. Have a look if you fancy it.

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