A thank you after a difficult few weeks

I’ve been away from work for the last few weeks because of a family emergency. At times like this, you lean on the people around you, personally and professionally, and I’ve had a lot of reason to be grateful.

My team at Education Leaders have been working behind the scenes to keep the podcast going and preparations moving for the next Leadership Intensive cohort. Others have reached out to ask how they can support. Being able to step away while people take care of things means an enormous amount.

I often come back to Robert Cialdini’s principles of persuasion. One of them is reciprocity: when someone does something for us, we tend to feel an obligation to return the favour. You can see why it gets so much attention in sales.

There’s a version of my last few weeks that the hustle culture lads online would explain in exactly those terms. Invest in people, build your network, and those relationships will pay you back when you need them.

I understand the logic, but I struggle with making friends with an eye on a future return. It turns something I value deeply into a calculation.

I don’t believe the people who’ve reached out have been checking whether I’d previously done enough for them. They’ve seen someone having a difficult time and wanted to help. Of course I’d want to be there for them too. I care about them, and I’d hate for any of them to think they had to earn that care first.

Psychologists Margaret Clark and Judson Mills describe “communal relationships”, where people respond to each other’s needs without treating each act of help as something to be repaid. That feels much closer to the friendships I recognise in my own life.

It also gives me a question to take back into work:

I surround myself with kind people because I enjoy being around them. They give me energy and make me want to be better myself. These last few weeks, I’ve been especially grateful that so many of those people are part of my working life.

So a small boo to the transactionalists, and a much bigger thank you to the people who’ve shown up. There’s a lot to be said for having friends at work.

And thank you for being here, reading this. I appreciate you.

Shane

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